When I shower
the smell washes out of my hair-
I follow it down the drain
in slow circles
and then we are gone.

.

Pedro Almodovar reminded me
of something awful last night,
a secret that I will keep until I take my last breath-
knowing or unknown.

A whisper through the screen
into my left ear
a whisper that has left me shuddering and cold.

And it is so -
that I watch him smoke
and worry about the cancer that may steal him away from me.

I am not ready to be alone,
but I know that January is a cruel month
only here to make us remember
and mourn.

I wait.